Spiritual Dangers of Ignoring Rest

This essay originally appeared in The Joyful Life magazine in Winter 2019

For the last three years, I have worked with students in college ministry. If I could tell you one thing about the modern college student, it is that they are busy. Between classes, homework, studying for tests, writing papers, part time jobs, sororities or fraternities, academic clubs, volunteer hours, and internships, there’s hardly time for everyday responsibilities or fun college kid activities. If asked why they stay this busy, they do not know another way. "It all goes on my resume which I need for grad school which I need for a job. I'll settle down then". I hate to break it to them, but it does not settle down then. In my own experience, it has only sped up. I wake up before sunrise to get a few minutes of quiet before the baby wakes, and I usually am the last one to go to bed, tiding up as I go. Between keeping the baby fed, clean, and decently happy, my attention is split between the house chores, a part time job, two dogs, a family in town, and, last but definitely not least, my marriage. And, as we say in my house, there's always an squirrel in the chimney. (Meaning, there is always an unplanned anomaly event, such as a squirrel that has climbed down into the chimney or a leaky pipe or a stomach bug.)

How or why we have gotten to this place of busyness, I am not sure. I also am not sure of the cure. I cannot exactly tell my seven month old to feed and wash herself, and I know if my husband and I are not intentionally pouring into one another, there will be unwanted consequences. I would love to tell my boss "not today". I would definitely like to find a way to stop the squirrels from sneaking into the chimney. Life is always going to have one thing too many thing for our mere twenty-four hours.

Look at the life of Jesus, especially as described in the Gospel of Mark; in this Gospel, Mark emphasizes the actions of Christ, often using the word "immediately". The reader walks away with a sense that Jesus was a busy Savior. That is why I love Mark 1:35. Thirty-four verses in and Jesus has started His ministry, called His disciples, and healed many. Then, "rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, He departed and went out to a desolate place, and there He prayed" (ESV). His disciples actually have to go looking for Him, which gives me the impression that Jesus did not just step out for a few minutes. Jesus is MIA because He has paused His busy life of ministry to pray. This is not a novel idea, but it feels refreshing to me- even Jesus rested. Jesus, the Savior of the world, needed time away from ministry and away from His disciples. I cannot say this clearly enough: If Jesus needed to step away from the busyness of life, we also need to step away from the busyness of life.

As refreshing as this idea is, there is a small part of me that wonders how necessary it is. I know, I know. If Jesus modeled it, it is important. But does Jesus know how busy I really am? (He does.) Does He understand that babies and quiet time are usually not synonymous? (He does). Does He understand that I cannot just let the squirrel live in my chimney? (Again, He does.) If you are like me, you already have ten excuses why you do not have time for rest; however, when we put rest aside, I believe we are risking real spiritual dangers.

1. Ignoring rest can prevent us from reflection

There was a time in my life that I could not fall asleep without listening to a podcast. To some extent, I just needed a little background noise to block out the sound of cars driving by my window; however, when I was honest with myself, I wanted to block out overwhelming thoughts of failure and discontentment. Taking a good look at myself, my sin, and my needs seemed too hard. In her song "All I Really Want", Alanis Morissette sings, "Why are you so petrified of silence? Here can you handle this?" The music stops. After a few seconds, she continues to sing "Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines? Or when you think you're going to die? Or did you long for the next distraction?" Though disturbingly dark, she hit the nail on the head. We long for the distraction of doing more so we do not have to face ourselves, but when we choose to do this, we do not allow the Lord to shape us and change us. David prays in the Psalms, "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24 ESV). We need time away from the constant going, time in the Word, time to reflect, time to meditate on the Word, and time to pray. It likely will bring us close to our sin we would rather ignore which can be scary, but the danger of avoiding this is much graver. Do you find yourself avoiding reflection? Jesus is inviting you to cast your cares on Him.

2. Ignoring rest can turn opportunities into obligations

Do you remember the story of Mary and Martha? In Luke's account, Martha is busy serving when she looks over and sees Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus. My takeaway for years was that Martha was being fussy about her house and annoyed that her sister was not helping. I imagined her making her famous chicken pot pie recipe, trying to find the good plates, setting the table, and sweeping the floors when she looks over to find Mary at the feet of Jesus. Martha had an attitude problem. Taking a closer look though, Martha was not doing anything inherently wrong. Welcoming Jesus into her house would mean welcoming Jesus, the twelve disciples, her own family, and likely at least a small gathering. Even if just Jesus was coming over, I know I would try to ensure everything would go off without a hitch! She wants to have a servant's heart and to welcome these followers into her home well. Furthermore, when Jesus tells Martha she is busy with many tasks, He uses the Greek word diakoni; throughout the New Testament, this word is used both for domestic chores and Christian ministry. Martha is not just worried about the meal she is feeding to Jesus; she is serving her local church that is meeting in her home. Does this bring it a little closer to home? When Jesus tells Martha she is anxious about much, He is not scolding her. He is not putting her work down. Instead, He is reminding her why she is serving. He is inviting her to sit at His feet. In your ministry, do you find yourself forgetting why you are serving? Jesus is inviting you to sit at His feet.

3. Ignoring Rest can ruin our joy

Earlier this year, I gave birth to my first born. To say I was excited is an understatement. The nursery was painted in my twentieth week of pregnancy, clothes washed and folded by week twenty-five, and furniture assembled and arranged well before my third trimester. As I waddled into stores to buy "just one more thing", people knowingly would ask if this was my first child. When we brought our daughter home from the hospital, I had a five point plan of how I would have her sleeping through the night within the month. Take a moment to laugh to yourself. After a few days of the plan utterly failing, my mom said, "You need to put down the baby books, go into your room, and rest." It took me four months to listen to her. I spent months trying to do things by the book, wearing myself out. When people would tell me that children were just a joy, I smiled but deep down wondered if something was wrong with me or my child. Slowly though, I started to listen to friends and family that encouraged me to rest, and slowly I started to understand the joys of motherhood. The thing about joy is it is not just happiness. Joy can come in the midst of all circumstances. Hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus "who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross" (ESV). Even in the midst of suffering and hardship, the Lord calls us to rejoice. Joy does not come about because of a well-executed five point plan. On the night that Jesus was betrayed, He spent His last hours telling His disciples about the life of the Christian. He tells His disciples to abide in Him (John 15:4). Abide means to stay and to wait for with expectation of something in the future. Abiding in Jesus comes with the promise of joy in Him; joy is a gift from the Lord. Do you find yourself anxious and weary? Are you lacking joy? Jesus is inviting you to stay with Him, and He promises to gift you joy.

But what now? Am I calling for a worldwide mom strike for the sake of rest? While a vacation sounds nice, it is not exactly practical as a daily or weekly habit. Instead, here are some suggestions:

1. Schedule rest into your week. As in, pull out your planner, your iCal, or whatever you use to plan your week and block out a chunk of time which you will use for the sake of rest. In my family, we have set aside Sunday afternoons as family time, and my husband and I each have thirty minutes set aside during the week for alone time. Set the time aside and treat it like a meeting. Would you tell your boss that you need to fold laundry during your important sales pitch? Neither should you fold laundry in your rest time.

2. Find time for meditation on the Word. I would like to start a new social media trend: #realmombibletime. Instagram suggests quiet times should be a cozy time under a blanket with coffee, highlighers, notebooks, and a devotional book. When I have more than ten minutes, this is lovely; however, that is not how my usual quiet time goes. The set up, the method, and the amount of time is not as important as getting into the Word however you can. Take time to meditate in the Word, or as my boss says, marinate in the Word. Spend time on one verse. Memorize it. Repeat it to yourself through the day. Let the Word change your heart verse by verse.

3. Find time for prayer. I find the time I pray most is doing the dishes or folding laundry. In fact, sometimes prayer is helpful for me to not feel bitter about doing dishes or folding laundry. This practice slows our mind from racing to the next thing on our list and refocuses our mind on the Lord. At the end of the day, I tend to be far less weary when I have spent moment by moment with the Lord rather than a few minutes before the baby woke up.

Rest is not supposed be another item on our to-do list, but instead, it is a call to stay with Christ. In rest we find the joy of Christ. Jesus invites us into His rest wherever we are, whatever our situation. Our laundry piles can wait.

September Reads

While I started several books in September, I only finished three. Three books in a month is a solid number for me with two young kids who are mostly home everyday; the only way I’m reading that much is with help from Scribd audiobooks. I have been doing much more nonfiction reading which naturally goes a lot slower for me, even when the topic is interesting. I hope this means October will bring lots of finished books or else my library might get annoyed with my constant renewing of books. I’m already a day overdue on one book. Shame!

Overall, I really enjoyed the three books I finished this month. Here’s an overview:

Ten Steps to Nanette by Hannah Gadsby

I first watched Hannah Gadsby’s Netflix special Douglas without any introduction to Nanette or Hannah herself, but I was an instant fan. I binged Nanette (I’m not sure you can binge one comedy special, but considering I watched Douglas and Nanette back to back, I’m counting it as binging) and any podcast I could find her on. When I saw her name on this book while walking out of the library, I didn’t even question that I was checking out five other books. This book went straight to the top of the TBR pile.

I would highly suggest watching Nanette before reading, but the majority of the memoir needs no explanation. Hannah’s story is heart-wrenching; it’s a story of abuse, of undiagnosed mental health issues, of growing up same sex attracted in country that considered SSA individuals were deplorable, of learning to talk about your abuse and yourself in a healthy way without self-hatred.

…and do not wish to prioritize my abuse in the telling of my story, is because it was not a luxury I could afford at the time that it was happening. You see, when you are forced to keep a trauma secret in order to survive, you need to actively avoid incorporating the traumatic event into your official version of self. You don’t forget it, you just don’t put words around it. And when there are no words, there is no sharing. And when there is no sharing, you can’t find your way back to safety. And with all that comes a deep and dark dose of shame.

Nanette does not shy away from hard and uncomfortable topics; this is one reason I love Hannah Gadsby. Her discussion around the language we use and the way we treat the outsider is important. The language and topics are mature, but if you want to get into the mind of someone who is vulnerable and insightful with her story, I could not recommend Ten Steps to Nanette more.

One of the saddest things I know is that just about everyone who changes upon an image of their younger self will experience the same grief I felt looking at myself in that photo. We don’t grieve for what we’ve lost but for what we never knew. We grieve because none of us can reconcile the beauty we can see in our past with the ugliness we were told to remember.

Billy Summers by Stephen King

My first King novel! I read his memoir years ago, but I had the impression that all his novels were horror books. This couldn’t be further from the truth (though I had multiple friends tell me to stop being dumb when I suggested I should read It next. Just because I enjoyed THIS novel doesn’t mean I’d enjoy every King novel). I don’t know why I was expecting King to not be a good story teller. As if you are a popular author, you could not possibly have any substance. I’m glad to be over that thought process.

Billy Summers is a sniper turned hitman who justifies his jobs with a promise to himself to kill only truly evil men. Now, after many kills, he is ready to get out of the game, but he accepts one last job. However, in the waiting to complete the job, Summers finds his humanity as he connects to those around him for the first time in a long time. It’s a story of revenge and redemption.

Once again, there are mature themes, scenes, and language in this book. For that reason, I don’t full heartedly recommend it for everyone (because unlike Gadsby’s memoir, this book in my opinion is less important and more for fun reading). However, if you want a fast, easy but well-written novel that includes mild violence, mobsters, and revenge, this book might be for you. It was a fantastic Scribd audiobook.

For what it’s worth, I did not enjoy the ending and the seemingly random supernatural element to it. If someone could explain why the writing room was possibly haunted, I’d appreciate it.

I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

Tough title but for good reason. I had zero idea who Jennette was, and only picked this up because Jamie B. Golden of The Pop-Cast fame recommended it. At a young age, Jennette’s mother Debra began auditioning Jennette with talent agencies in hopes that Jenny would become a star. Jennette’s life soon becomes auditions, call backs, days on set, and schooling during breaks. None of this was what she wanted, but she desperately wanted to please her mother.

Jeannette details her first memories of her obsessive compulsive disorder, her mother’s refusal to seek treatment for it despite other adults seeing there was a clear problem. She discusses her mother’s absolute control over her life, her verbal and physical abuse, and the toll that took on her life.

Do I recommend this book? I’m not sure. There are parts of it that I found fascinating. Her endless need to please her mother despite the harm her mother caused her. Her grief coinciding with her coming to terms with her abuse. Her acceptance that her obsessions and compulsions were not promptings from the Holy Spirit but an actual mental health related issue that needed to be addressed. And her writing from a place that perhaps is not completely healed, because maybe we never can be completely healed of deep wounds like this. But there’s something missing at the end of this book; Jenny delves more into celeb gossip and acting roles gone wrong when I wanted her to discuss more of her mental health journey. The first half of the book is so well done, but the second half made me think that this book would have been better had she waited another 5-10 years to get more perspective on the adult years of coming to terms with her lost childhood, her mothers’ death, and other horrific details of her life.